Friday, November 18, 2005

Detective Story: Session # 1

Session # 1: A case gone sour

I peered through the keyhole. I couldn't see anything. So... it only works in the movies then. I tried the door knob for the tenth time. It was still locked and it wasn't budging. I rubbed my hand through my hair and took a deep breath. I turned around and faced my enclosure. The closet was empty and dark. The walls were close together, and there was only about twelve square feet on the ground.
I checked my trench coat for anything of use. Pens... pencils... my pocketbook... my P.I. card, but not my magnum. I'd have to get out of here the hard way.
The room was dark and dusty, and I was getting warm with my coat on. The only light came from the bottom of the door. I didn't know how long I'd been in here.
Stuck in a closet; this was my greatest adventure yet.

Suddenly I heard footsteps from the outside room... he's back. That guy, that evil person. The murderer, my captor, my target; that was him on the other side of this door.

It started out as a simple job, but little did I know I would come face to face with him so quickly, and he would knock me out and drag me in here.
I took off my Fedora and breathed slowly. I had to do something--fast. If I didn't get out of here I knew I would be a goner. Nobody knew I was here--the police weren't coming for me... I was on my own.
I heard a screech. I knew that could only be one thing: his axe. The sound of him sharpening the blade. The screechy noise. I could only imagine what he could do with that axe. The axe murderer was about to have another victim, unless I had somethng to say about it.
My hidden pocket knife; I just remembered it. I always kept it but I never used it. Finally I had a chance to whip it out after all this time.
I figured I would pick the lock with my knife, take the guy by surprise, call the police, be the hero, and get the reward. Easy right?

I had a hard time with the lock. My clumsy hands failed me over and over. I could no longer hear my captor in the next room, but that didn't mean he was gone.
I twisted and turned the knife until the lock finally broke open. I figured that I'd been in that room for an hour since I woke up.
I took a deep breath. If the axe murderer was still in the next room, this might be the end of me. I slowly turned the knob on the door. It made a slow creaking noise as I leaned forward on the door. The door creased open and I peeked in the next room. I put on my tough face and prepared for the worst.

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2 Comments:

At 11/18/2005 10:21 PM, Blogger endeavor said...

I like your description at the starting, "I rubbed my hand through my hair..."

Nice and suspenseful, just how I like it. You just had to end it in suspense, didn't you? Haha... Somehow I wish I could write suspensefully...

Oh, one more thing, you use ellispes way, way too much. Try using periods, commas, colons, semicolons, or hyphens.

 
At 11/18/2005 10:40 PM, Blogger TheJBurger said...

Thank you for your comments.

I edited the post right now, so now no one will ever know of some of things you talked about.

 

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